Overcoming Low Self-Esteem by Melanie Fennell

Author:Melanie Fennell [Melanie J. V. Fennell]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Publisher: Constable & Robinson

Making the Abstract Concrete

A list of positive qualities is the first step. However, a list on its own is not enough. You could put it in a drawer or filing cabinet – or, indeed, the waste-paper basket – and forget all about it. You will gain most benefit from it if you use it as a basis for raising your awareness of how your good points show themselves on a day-to-day basis. The idea is that, ultimately, awareness of the qualities, strengths and skills you have identified will be part of your mental furniture. You will notice and accept them quite routinely, without needing to make a special effort. Before you reach this point, however, you will need for a time to get into the habit of quite deliberately directing attention towards positive aspects of yourself.

Give yourself a few days to notice more items to add to your list and then, when you feel you have taken it as far as you can for the time being, once again find yourself a comfortable, relaxing spot and read the list to yourself. Don’t skip through it at top speed. Pause and dwell on each quality you have recorded. Let it sink in. When you have read slowly and carefully through the list, go back to the top again. Now, as you consider each item, bring to mind a particular time when you showed that quality in how you behaved. Take time to make the memory as clear and vivid as you can. Get as close as you can to reliving the experience as if it were happening again. Close your eyes, and recall in detail when it was, where you were, who you were with, what exactly you did that showed the positive quality in action, and what the consequences were.

Sarah, for example, recalled a time when she had been home by herself and a friend had telephoned, apparently for a casual chat. Sarah picked up something in her friend’s voice which prompted her to ask gently, “Are you OK?” Her friend burst into tears and confided that she had had an argument with her boyfriend and was feeling really depressed. She was pleased to have an opportunity to talk. Sarah was able to accept this as an example of her own sensitivity.

Notice what effect this exercise has on your mood and how you feel about yourself. If you can absorb yourself in it fully, you will find that the items on your list become much more vivid and meaningful to you. You should find your mood lifting, and a sense of self-acceptance and confidence creeping in.

If this does not happen, it could be that in some way you are disqualifying what you have written. Throughout the exercise, keep a watchful eye open for feelings of shame, embarrassment or disbelief. These feelings may be a cue that self-critical thoughts are going through your mind. Are you, for example, telling yourself that it’s wrong to be so smug? Do you feel as

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